If this is a game, then I'm losing clearly.

All my posts are about boys.
My life is pathetic.

I didn't go to math today, mostly because that class is a joke, and i sit and read "he's just not that into you" and text like a mad man. It was my only class, I think life will move on.




Eli drew me the nicest picture today, I bought him special toddler crayons now he's throwing around paper, while Susie watches. And if you didn't know this, Susie is my dog, who thinks she is Eli's mother. She cleans behind his ears, and barely leaves his side.

I was going to go to Dance like you fuck tonight, I decided I was going to "homework like I fuck", but instead Mr. Rogers and his lovely lady are coming over later. There are no words to describe how excited I am to see him. He makes me happier than anyone, and is the sweetest, most genuine boy ever. I miss my lady friends, and mostly I miss by bestfriend.

Life moves on, whether you want it to or not. How sad is that? How sad is it, despite everything I say and do, when it comes down to it all I think about is you? When did I become such a pathetic young lady who needed the attention of a man so badly? The truth is I blame it on my father, and I will constantly need the attention of a man, because he never gave it to me. He doesn't even care enough to call, and when I call him crying and he says that he's sorry and that he'll try. And for some reason I believe him, but it's the same thing every time. Why am I so easily disposable to every man? Am I incapable of being loved? Is there something horribly terrible about me? I miss when I knew I was great, and I knew i was beautiful, and I didn't need reassurance. But then I meet a boy, and just become needy. I can only pretend for so long like I don't care about them, that I don't need them around constantly. That sometimes I need them to be like "you're all that I want, and I'm going to do whatever it takes". Maybe the dudes I meet are just losers. In fact, I'm almost positive they are just carbon copies of one another. And they all say "I'm different from the rest".

I'm going to keep believing that no one is irreplaceable.