I live to be model thin, dress me I'm your mannequin.

I have nothing to say.

You remind me of highschool, how annoying.

I'm just so scared you would be everything

I like our good days, but sometimes I miss the bad ones. I'm ready for you to be ready for me.

I keep looking for the slightest sign that you might miss what you left behind.

I often am left wondering why I let you have such control over me.

jager bombs, even whiskey, down that shit don't be a pussy.

I'm such a mess.

Too many ciggs, drunken apologies, beers, and shots of jager.

and I am what I am what I am what I am - a trainwreck.

You're fake. The only thing different about me and you is that I ignore it when I know you're lying.

HA-HA

Honestly no care, whatsoever.

Say something that matters

or say nothing at all.

Prom Queen

HOT MESS

Where did the love go?

No time to cry about it, do better!

I could do without my mother.

Of course she's "terribly ill" now.

Of course the whole time I was sick, she complained about helping me with Eli, but she constantly says how much she helps? Everytime I ask her to watch Eli she bitches.

It's always about her, I rarely complain about ailments and illnesses to her, because it's always a fucking competition. She's sicker, she hurts more.

I just coughed my lungs out, and then she lets out a little cough and complains about it.

Also no mention for dinner, nothing. Just always has something to bitch about.

+/-

-bronchitis
-$60 for medications
-shitty broads
-missing school and important things
- bio test tonight



+new friends
+starting to feel better
+this weekend
+sending mail
+things working themselves out despite spiteful people
+money
+money to go shopping
+Long weekend
+molly snuggles
+eli snuggles

10 days, 18 to go

despite being deathly ill, and feeling like I want to kill myself.
I'm surprisingly happy. Except for the fact Molly shits everywhere, and makes the biggest mess with kleenexes. UGH!

The worst part about it is that you KNEW how happy I was, and that yeah I fucked up, and that you went behind my back and told him, because you were mad that I went out for lunch with someone who isn't yours. In the most friendly nature possible. But you're a spiteful bitch, and not ONLY did you justify it by saying I told said boy thing that I never, ever said, but you lied to me about it saying you actually "respect your friendships". HAHAHA.


If I never see you again, it'll be too soon.

Oh yeah,

7 days, 21 to go.

So yesterday I was feeling terribly sick, all day, I stayed home, watched p.s I love you and cried.. a lot. Not even just for the movie. I just cried a lot. Today I woke up, and I could barely even walk (well Eli woke up), so i brought him downstairs and felt like i was going to die, then eventually my mom got up and said she would watch him, I tried to walk up stairs, and everything was black, and I was shaking so hard I couldn't walk, then got to bed freezing and dying.

Blegghhhh

I'm sad, and sick.

Why does this get harder everyday?

If this is a game, then I'm losing clearly.

All my posts are about boys.
My life is pathetic.

I didn't go to math today, mostly because that class is a joke, and i sit and read "he's just not that into you" and text like a mad man. It was my only class, I think life will move on.




Eli drew me the nicest picture today, I bought him special toddler crayons now he's throwing around paper, while Susie watches. And if you didn't know this, Susie is my dog, who thinks she is Eli's mother. She cleans behind his ears, and barely leaves his side.

I was going to go to Dance like you fuck tonight, I decided I was going to "homework like I fuck", but instead Mr. Rogers and his lovely lady are coming over later. There are no words to describe how excited I am to see him. He makes me happier than anyone, and is the sweetest, most genuine boy ever. I miss my lady friends, and mostly I miss by bestfriend.

Life moves on, whether you want it to or not. How sad is that? How sad is it, despite everything I say and do, when it comes down to it all I think about is you? When did I become such a pathetic young lady who needed the attention of a man so badly? The truth is I blame it on my father, and I will constantly need the attention of a man, because he never gave it to me. He doesn't even care enough to call, and when I call him crying and he says that he's sorry and that he'll try. And for some reason I believe him, but it's the same thing every time. Why am I so easily disposable to every man? Am I incapable of being loved? Is there something horribly terrible about me? I miss when I knew I was great, and I knew i was beautiful, and I didn't need reassurance. But then I meet a boy, and just become needy. I can only pretend for so long like I don't care about them, that I don't need them around constantly. That sometimes I need them to be like "you're all that I want, and I'm going to do whatever it takes". Maybe the dudes I meet are just losers. In fact, I'm almost positive they are just carbon copies of one another. And they all say "I'm different from the rest".

I'm going to keep believing that no one is irreplaceable.

Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

This song brings back some memories. AND as fucking gay and 10th grade as it is, it's how I fucking feel, alright? Got beef?

ahahahahaha, oh I love my life.

p.s ignore this cool video

I generally always get what/who I want.

The only reason I'm upset about you, is because I'm not getting what I want.

I love that you love me. I don't actually love you.

He's just not that into you? Fuck it, I'm just not that into him. 

If you find yourself here on my side of town 

I'd pray that you'd come to my door 

Talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about

 Cause I don't remember anymore

So I caved...

"he's just not that into you"

The past two days have been a tease, back to minus 30 tonight.

Please take me somewhere warm.

To make it worse, you're the only person I want to talk to.

I'm fucking SO over your stupid bullshit.

you're the fakest person i know. you said you hated her, and then you didn't, and you say that about so many people. even people that are apparently your best friends. I could go around and say everything you've said about people, but I'm not as fucking low as you are. 

FUCK YOU. If you're not my friend, don't pretend to be.

I've never felt this continuously sad in a long time. 

Why do some broads focus on ruining everything that is good? He doesn't want you, he never will, he never has, so stop fucking trying to ruin everything for me. 

I'm sitting here I can't sleep any longer. I can't lay there any longer. 

Last night, I made it to the bar, then with everything on my mind, and I guess just sitting there drinking, I just couldn't handle it, I broke down. Ana took me home and we ate mcdonalds, because she's the best girl.

I wonder if friendships hold through, even through beef. Truth be told, I doubt it. 

I feel sick, and it's not because of the drinking. I have this haunting feeling in my stomach. 

I do love you, but maybe we're just not meant to be together. I don't know. I just want to see you, talk to you, figure things out, but you won't even talk to me.